am sorry, to those who read this blog. i wonder who does. the pics have to wait. caused something really huge cropped up. something that made me realize that life is really more fragile than one believes and think so and that love can never be felt more strongly when one is losing something and that is the catch. then when you understand a part of love, you may i the en lose all the courage to ever fall or give yourself to it anymore.
the passing of my dear aunt juvena brought about many thoughts that i have never think. i am not as optimistic as the rest about her current situation and maybe that makes me a pathetic person. it even crossed my mind that i may not make it into the room to see her, but i did. i did not want to have any regrets. i would be realy happy and glad as all others will be in that same room if she comes around. but all i hope for now is for her to hold on and pull through tonight, at the very least let kor lubin see her, feel her warmth and hear th sound of her heart pumping. but she lets go if that is the direction that her fate and the voice from her faith brings her too. i hope that she will always know that she is loved and will be remembered for being a kind and sweet person. it is that unfair that such things tend to happen to those who are nice.
i am worried for my cousins. i truly am. seeing them so frail now makes it harder. it is worrying to me that people are lifting their hopes and dropping them down again. it would be so much more difficult to heal later on. i hate it that people keep repeating and asking what happened. it is not as if you can't engrave it deeper into their memories. how long would it take to heal? healing not in the sense of forgetting and trying to put aside, but really lettin it go, the hurt go and holding on to the parts of aunt ju that were beautiful and things that she should be remembered and loved for. in the end we should be proud and honoured that we were part of her although short but wonderful 46 years.
things will get better. definitely not to the state when she was around. but something that seemed like normal.
no worry of yours should be brought along. we will all be strong including imee,lucien and lubin. i hope that you will find peace and contentment wherever you head and thank you for being a wonderful, lovely and gracious aunt of mine. take care aunt juvena.